Marturisire !!!
Viata nu a fost neaparat darnica cu mine. Si probabil nici nu va fi. Insa am invatat sa merg inainte cu entuziasm si fara prejudecati. Am ajuns sa nu mai judec oamenii prin prisma impulsurilor si fiorilor dati de moment si sa umblu pe drumurile cunoasterii de sine ca sa-i pot ierta pentru greselile pe care eventual tot le mai fac si ei. Daca mi-am acordat mie inca o sansa luptand cu otravuri care imi picurau in vene si impotriva tuturor asteptarilor (mai putin ale mele) i-am dovedit infernului ca nu cedez in fata greselilor naturii sau evolutiei, atunci de ce nu le-as oferi si lor acea sansa? Oricine face greseli, dar o greseala nu ne defineste. Caci in fond nu ne putem defini prin acea greseala. Noi nu suntem noi decat in relatie cu universul, cu mediul ce ne inconjoara. Asta ne defineste pe noi ca si noi: fiecare experienta traita, fiecare rasarit sau apus de soare care ne incanta privirea, fiecare fata pe care o privim, fiecare om care ne atinge si pe care noi il atingem. Daca un element sau mai multe din mediul nostru , din experientele noastre trecute si prezente ,a fost sau este gresit si ne-a dus spre greseala comisa si facem un efort sa il identificam si sa il schimbam catre bine, de ce sa nu mai primim o sansa? Chiar daca asta implica riscuri. Nu se merita? In fond daca le mai acordam o sansa, ne acordam noua o sansa, caci ei contribuie la a ne defini. Eu zic ca se merita. (acum nu trebuie sa fim prosti si sa ne lasam calcati in picioare…bunul simt si echilibrul sunt necesare).
Asa imi spune inima si ma chinui sa o ascult. Multa vreme nu am ascultat-o. Am crezut ca le stiu pe toate si nu trebuie sa mai ascult si de inima asta care si asa nu mai poate, avand si ea de a face cu cateva rani ce au lasat cicatrici adanci. Insa am simtit ca aceste rani au facut-o sa bata mai puternic si am realizat ca de fapt ea stie mai bine. (Vedeti voi, cunostintele pe care le culegem in fiecare secunda ajuta la cultivarea instinctului, intuitiei, inimii. Noi de ele trebuie sa ascultam. Ati auzit cu totii de “intuitia feminina” sau de acei oameni de succes despre care se spune ca “isi asculta instinctul”). Oricum , acele rani au facut inima sa bata cu mai multa pasiune si inversunare si s-a dovedit ca oricate as crede ca mintea mea stie…nu stie nimic. Si de fiecare data cand nu mi-am ascultat cu adevarat instinctul, si am lasa mintea sa se interpuna intre fiinta mea si cee ceea ce vrea ea instinctual, am avut de suferit. Si pina la urma trebuie sa las si inima asta sa o mai ia razna sa simt si eu ca traiesc. Si daca va fi iar ranita, acum stiu ca va deveni si mai puternica si va bate cu inca si mai multa pasiune, aruncandu-se in urmatorul abis al dorintelor si amorului in cautarea fericirii.
Nu pot lasa frica asta ascunsa in subconstientul meu sa imi opreasca inima. Ar fi o lasitate chinuitoare si singuratica, oricat m-as amagi eu ca nu este. Caci toti acei ce ne-am lasat inimile sa zburde catre amorul nebun stim cat de divin este. Nu las inima sa umble buimaca in confuzia fricii instalate in minte din cauza unui minut de ratacire si deziluzie si nu refuz sa mai dau o sansa inimii sa bata cum numai ea stie si sa imi inunde trupul cu elixirul placerilor sublime si infinite.
(the images don’t match the text very well…hope you enjoy them )
Soul !?
We feel, we are extremely emotional, we sacrifice , we compromise, we desire, we love, we suffer….. And our “soul” takes it all in, with courage, like a never ending storage for what touches us the deepest, down to the core of our being. And gets richer, bigger, sometimes better, sometimes worst, and drives our engine, our being through whatever life throws at us, and pushes us through to the next again…and again.
Religions say it is that white cloud of smoke that raises up to havens when we end this earthly life, or goes down the road of fire and pain towards the melting red hell, or just jumps over and helps another living thing rise from nothingness and grow , just to die again and continue this ideal and imaginary infinite cycle.
Science can not disprove its existence, and nobody else can prove it; we can not see it, but we know it is there, somewhere, in the hidden corners of our hearts and minds, we feel it, we think it and it is reality to every individual. A subjective reality that we can almost touch but we can never identify from the complexity of our thoughts.
Just Moving Forward – I Answer to Me – Rambling Thought
I often think of what would I change in my life if I had one single chance to go back in time ? And that is a tricky one…because we are human beings and we all share “devilish” human traits like pride, greed, insecurity etc (or so some people would argue…). I is a bit of a moral philosophy question. Maybe I would want to become smarter, richer, maybe just fix mistakes I’ve done so I can live happily ever after with my childhood first love and so on. I can find hundreds of tempting tweaks that I could play with surfing on the insane idea that I would change my present for better. And then I stop and wonder if all that would change it for better? would it change it at all? That Is the big mystery for me and I hope many others. ( I hope it is a mystery for many others just not to be labeled as crazy for writing this thought on my blog for the world to see…!!!)
The thing is…I don’t think I would want to change something! I don’t think I would want things to have been different because I wouldn’t be anymore my present self, would I? All I have been trough in my relative short,at times miserable, but mostly mediocre life, made me the person I am today, and I am a bit afraid of whom I would be if my past would be tempered with. And even if, trough some obscene absurdity, I could go back in time and I would decide to change something, I really doubt something would change because the universe has a wired way in finding the symmetry and the order that is deeply embedded in the physics of its existence and all will result in the same present I live today.
So probably it is better to let my mental self follow my physical self forward trough the fabric of space and time; A unidirectional and inevitable way of life, not dwelling on the past, just learning my lessons and moving on with my insignificant existence, being aware that the only arguable certainty that I have is that “I AM NOW”.
